Everytime I start feeling happy, something reminds me that I shouldn't be this happy. I mean issit right to live a life like this? Am I asking too much if I want to be happy and forget about the big issues? I know they're can't forget about it, but am I supposed to be depressed and serious all the time? I seriously feel like I'm getting more boring, serious and depressed each day. And then someone comes and reminds me that I shouldn't feel so sad over it all the time. It's not my fault this issue exists. I feel happy for a few days and then someone else comes and brings up the subject. Not on purpose I'm sure, but if only she knew how unhappy I was. I love her so so much yet I wish that sometimes she wouldn't share these things to me. As evil as that sounds, 'cause honestly, I can't take it. It depresses me to no end. It's my uni life for goodness sake. I should be out doing something illegal or shopping or whatever. Being a teenager. Why am I even worrying about such things? WHY WHY WHY am I constantly being reminded of my current condition. I think it's about time I stop thinking about these problems and just live. Everytime I want to, I can't, 'cause I feel like they're unhappy... and I just can't be happy knowing that.

I wish something really good would happen. Now would be the right time. I've been waiting for it all year... so please please please happen soon.

*EDIT*
Tsk, talked a friend of mine... He came back from being AFK at the right time. He reminded me that I'm not the only one constantly made to feel this way by "certain". Ahahahaha, 2 minutes of chat with him and I'm already laughing like a goon. This guy NEVER EVER FAILS to crack me up. I always look like an idiot when he's online XD GARGGHHH. Love love love him <3 Silliest + sexiest man ever. I wish he ain't so far ;-;

Hmmm, now that I think of it, no one actually reads this blog XD Tsk... anyway here I am at 5:30ish am doing what? Surfing the net, listening to my fave song of the moment and silently contradicting myself in my head. Not good when you have exams and haven't started studying at all. Biggest idiot on earth?!

Anyways, a lot has happened emotionally this week. Happy, really sad, heartbroken. It's just wow. It's wonderful yet scary that I'm feeling these... feelings O.O Why are some people so hard to understand! >:( Grrrr it makes me so mad seriously. I feel like smashing my squishy cow into pieces (I get very violent when I lack sleep). Nyeh~ I guess you can tell from my tone that I'm kinda annoyed at someone... or more than one. ($*($_@)_!*)!$#%$ Tsk! These people are constantly annoying me yet making me happy. Aahahahah. Can't live without them right now.

Sometimes I wish that this person would wake up and not hate me for doing what I did. If he only knew how much it hurt me to let go. But it's the price I have to pay I guess.

Lost the mood to blog...

I've had a hell of a week. Still got my last assignment due later on tonight. I really am freaked out about it. Argh argh argh! They deduct marks for mistakes so u can actually get a negative mark. Which isnt good. I can't even get a zero like WTF? Well hopefully things will be fine x.x Anyhoot, I'm just posting to show I'm alive :3 Doing quite well 'cause I've grown close to a number of people so it's awesome. They're my everything right now. Oh wells, I've got business data analysis tutorial soon so cya all!

Ok scrap the part where I said I'll post pics. They're just too damned embarassing. I srsly need to get a hang of myself and stop eating while I'm depressed. Gargh. I'm going through old pictures and thinking "WTF?!? I didn't have eyebags". My eyebags are like a permanent accessory. And here I am at 3:30am blogging about. Why? Because the person I rant to is offline. Damnit. DAMNIT. I've been sleeping past 4am everyday. I really need to vent, but he so doesn't need this. He's been too nice already. I've been ignoring basically everyone (excluding housemates). I finally went on MSN yesterday 'cause I felt guilty that some people were looking for me. I don't even pick up my mum's calls x.x Not on purpose really.

I gta change. I really have to do something about this. Either wait or move on. Simple as that. I HAVE TO. Just... ARGH. I'm not gonna let these people turn me into some freak. I'm not. Nope nope. And yes, I'm aware I sound crazy but gimme a break :3

I think I gta quit my gaming. It's unhealthy... I'm just using it as a distraction. Time to face reality and stop playing. It's ruining my life and studies. And I'm becoming too dependant on someone. I probably would be dead somewhere rotting if he wasnt there to talk to when I needed it.

As of today... Things are gonna be different. I've decided :) I just kinda forgot who I was between all that sh*t. Not worth my time, my breath or my tears. Yes 2008 is by far the worst year of my life. I've been down before but it never hit this low. You know what? They're not worth ruining myself. I shall move on, I promised two people that I would. And I will ^-^

Shit happens.

Labels: PMS, RO

"It's a super day for you to live your life large! Be over the top -- and take your shameless flirting to a whole new level. Just have fun with whatever you do, and don't modify your behavior based on who could be watching -- who really cares what other people think? It's a day for you to be careless, and even a little bit crazy. Let loose with silly jokes, goofy slapstick, and groan-worthy puns. You'll keep the room laughing and keep yourself smiling!"

I read something I actually agreed with in my horoscope xD In some way, I don't really give a damn about anything anymore. Certain people have been helping me though and I thank them a lot. Life's been shitty for me ever since I moved but I had an awesome day yesterday. I went to the carnival yesterday with a bunch of people from my uni. Met Cheelin there, which was surprising cause it's hard to recognize anyone in that crowd. But she was wearing this afro @_______________@ and it caught my eye :) Anyhoots, Rachy's in town and I havent met her :( And Betty msged me and I didn't see D: Sorry you both :( I've been avoiding my phone (I think it's pretty obvious). It's an evil device. I've been pretty anti-social, due to my assignments but also 'cause everytime someone asks me to go out, I'm in a mood to bash someone @_@ And I really don't wanna ruin people's moods. Siigh. But mostly my assignments. I had a crappy group for a hard unit. Nyeh~

Ok this post is pretty much useless so I might post with pictures from the carnival if I remember later. Gta get 'em off my friends.

Labels: carnivals, friends, playboy ears

I know I've hit rock bottom when you've stop eating. Usually, I eat even when I'm sad. Besides, I've never really lost my appetite when I'm depressed. Until today. Now I know how they feel. I was sitting down and enjoying my spicy salmon pasta when the feeling hit me. I just lost the mood to eat, I even felt like puking x.x Siigh.

I met Cheelin today and we updated each other on our current state of love life. Ahahahahah. She made me eat two ham & cheese croissants for lunch. And we made jacket potatoes. LOL. Reminds me of the old days when I would hold her bag and she'd run to the PTA to get the jacket potatoes for us. I MISS ISB D: We both do :( We sat and watched friends and the olympics for a while xD Then she drove me home.

Siigh. I moved in two days ago and totally not enjoying it T________T Maybe I will as time passes by but for now, I hate it here!

Labels: Cheelin, depression, moving

I've been so engrossed in "Twilight". Finished it quite fast =\ Mehh... I think I'm buying the 2nd book in the series soon. Anyway, what have I been up to?



Went out with these two yesterday. Did really random thing and went exploring. Ahahah. I think I know my way around here already. Everything's in squares O.o If you get lost you just keep on walking until you're back to where you were.



I cooked pasta a few days ago :D And I only put a little bit of sauce... I LOVE PASTA without sauce. Rofl. Odd fetish but nyeh~

I've been kinda depressed lately and it's pissing me off. I hate to be in a state like this and I hate to pretend that I'm happy. And to top things off, I've been eating chocolate everyday and I'm eating one as I blog. ARGH fat!

Pffttt. lost my mood to blog.

Labels: cherry blossoms, pasta