Artificial Sky

im yourrrs~

2008-11-03T00:24:00.000-08:00

Everytime I start feeling happy, something reminds me that I shouldn't be this happy. I mean issit right to live a life like this? Am I asking too much if I want to be happy and forget about the big issues? I know they're can't forget about it, but am I supposed to be depressed and serious all the time? I seriously feel like I'm getting more boring, serious and depressed each day. And then someone comes and reminds me that I shouldn't feel so sad over it all the time. It's not my fault this issue exists. I feel happy for a few days and then someone else comes and brings up the subject. Not on purpose I'm sure, but if only she knew how unhappy I was. I love her so so much yet I wish that sometimes she wouldn't share these things to me. As evil as that sounds, 'cause honestly, I can't take it. It depresses me to no end. It's my uni life for goodness sake. I should be out doing something illegal or shopping or whatever. Being a teenager. Why am I even worrying about such things? WHY WHY WHY am I constantly being reminded of my current condition. I think it's about time I stop thinking about these problems and just live. Everytime I want to, I can't, 'cause I feel like they're unhappy... and I just can't be happy knowing that.

I wish something really good would happen. Now would be the right time. I've been waiting for it all year... so please please please happen soon.

*EDIT*
Tsk, talked a friend of mine... He came back from being AFK at the right time. He reminded me that I'm not the only one constantly made to feel this way by "certain". Ahahahaha, 2 minutes of chat with him and I'm already laughing like a goon. This guy NEVER EVER FAILS to crack me up. I always look like an idiot when he's online XD GARGGHHH. Love love love him <3 Silliest + sexiest man ever. I wish he ain't so far ;-;

i wont hesitate no more...

2008-10-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, now that I think of it, no one actually reads this blog XD Tsk... anyway here I am at 5:30ish am doing what? Surfing the net, listening to my fave song of the moment and silently contradicting myself in my head. Not good when you have exams and haven't started studying at all. Biggest idiot on earth?!

Anyways, a lot has happened emotionally this week. Happy, really sad, heartbroken. It's just wow. It's wonderful yet scary that I'm feeling these... feelings O.O Why are some people so hard to understand! >:( Grrrr it makes me so mad seriously. I feel like smashing my squishy cow into pieces (I get very violent when I lack sleep). Nyeh~ I guess you can tell from my tone that I'm kinda annoyed at someone... or more than one. ($*($_@)_!*)!$#%$ Tsk! These people are constantly annoying me yet making me happy. Aahahahah. Can't live without them right now.

Sometimes I wish that this person would wake up and not hate me for doing what I did. If he only knew how much it hurt me to let go. But it's the price I have to pay I guess.

Lost the mood to blog...

can't help falling in love

2008-10-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

I've had a hell of a week. Still got my last assignment due later on tonight. I really am freaked out about it. Argh argh argh! They deduct marks for mistakes so u can actually get a negative mark. Which isnt good. I can't even get a zero like WTF? Well hopefully things will be fine x.x Anyhoot, I'm just posting to show I'm alive :3 Doing quite well 'cause I've grown close to a number of people so it's awesome. They're my everything right now. Oh wells, I've got business data analysis tutorial soon so cya all!

true to your heart

2008-10-02T10:29:00.000-07:00

Ok scrap the part where I said I'll post pics. They're just too damned embarassing. I srsly need to get a hang of myself and stop eating while I'm depressed. Gargh. I'm going through old pictures and thinking "WTF?!? I didn't have eyebags". My eyebags are like a permanent accessory. And here I am at 3:30am blogging about. Why? Because the person I rant to is offline. Damnit. DAMNIT. I've been sleeping past 4am everyday. I really need to vent, but he so doesn't need this. He's been too nice already. I've been ignoring basically everyone (excluding housemates). I finally went on MSN yesterday 'cause I felt guilty that some people were looking for me. I don't even pick up my mum's calls x.x Not on purpose really.

I gta change. I really have to do something about this. Either wait or move on. Simple as that. I HAVE TO. Just... ARGH. I'm not gonna let these people turn me into some freak. I'm not. Nope nope. And yes, I'm aware I sound crazy but gimme a break :3

I think I gta quit my gaming. It's unhealthy... I'm just using it as a distraction. Time to face reality and stop playing. It's ruining my life and studies. And I'm becoming too dependant on someone. I probably would be dead somewhere rotting if he wasnt there to talk to when I needed it.

As of today... Things are gonna be different. I've decided :) I just kinda forgot who I was between all that sh*t. Not worth my time, my breath or my tears. Yes 2008 is by far the worst year of my life. I've been down before but it never hit this low. You know what? They're not worth ruining myself. I shall move on, I promised two people that I would. And I will ^-^

Shit happens.

2008-09-27T23:35:00.000-07:00

"It's a super day for you to live your life large! Be over the top -- and take your shameless flirting to a whole new level. Just have fun with whatever you do, and don't modify your behavior based on who could be watching -- who really cares what other people think? It's a day for you to be careless, and even a little bit crazy. Let loose with silly jokes, goofy slapstick, and groan-worthy puns. You'll keep the room laughing and keep yourself smiling!"

I read something I actually agreed with in my horoscope xD In some way, I don't really give a damn about anything anymore. Certain people have been helping me though and I thank them a lot. Life's been shitty for me ever since I moved but I had an awesome day yesterday. I went to the carnival yesterday with a bunch of people from my uni. Met Cheelin there, which was surprising cause it's hard to recognize anyone in that crowd. But she was wearing this afro @_______________@ and it caught my eye :) Anyhoots, Rachy's in town and I havent met her :( And Betty msged me and I didn't see D: Sorry you both :( I've been avoiding my phone (I think it's pretty obvious). It's an evil device. I've been pretty anti-social, due to my assignments but also 'cause everytime someone asks me to go out, I'm in a mood to bash someone @_@ And I really don't wanna ruin people's moods. Siigh. But mostly my assignments. I had a crappy group for a hard unit. Nyeh~

Ok this post is pretty much useless so I might post with pictures from the carnival if I remember later. Gta get 'em off my friends.

Have you ever loved...

2008-08-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

I know I've hit rock bottom when you've stop eating. Usually, I eat even when I'm sad. Besides, I've never really lost my appetite when I'm depressed. Until today. Now I know how they feel. I was sitting down and enjoying my spicy salmon pasta when the feeling hit me. I just lost the mood to eat, I even felt like puking x.x Siigh.

I met Cheelin today and we updated each other on our current state of love life. Ahahahahah. She made me eat two ham & cheese croissants for lunch. And we made jacket potatoes. LOL. Reminds me of the old days when I would hold her bag and she'd run to the PTA to get the jacket potatoes for us. I MISS ISB D: We both do :( We sat and watched friends and the olympics for a while xD Then she drove me home.

Siigh. I moved in two days ago and totally not enjoying it T________T Maybe I will as time passes by but for now, I hate it here!

Edward Cullen

2008-08-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

I've been so engrossed in "Twilight". Finished it quite fast =\ Mehh... I think I'm buying the 2nd book in the series soon. Anyway, what have I been up to?

Went out with these two yesterday. Did really random thing and went exploring. Ahahah. I think I know my way around here already. Everything's in squares O.o If you get lost you just keep on walking until you're back to where you were.

I cooked pasta a few days ago :D And I only put a little bit of sauce... I LOVE PASTA without sauce. Rofl. Odd fetish but nyeh~

I've been kinda depressed lately and it's pissing me off. I hate to be in a state like this and I hate to pretend that I'm happy. And to top things off, I've been eating chocolate everyday and I'm eating one as I blog. ARGH fat!

Pffttt. lost my mood to blog.

I ISH STRONGERRR!

2008-06-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

Brownies + Häagen-Dazs (Strawberry Cheesecake *faints*)

Fish & Co. Lol... been craving that since forever.

Food makes me happy :D And before I say anything, I'd like to thank a special someone out there for helping me these past few weeks. You were there when I gave up, and made me realise that there's still someone out there who cares. You're the best!

thanks for picking me up when I fell down

Anyhoo, this month has been the roughest month I went through. I was on the brink of failing my exams (failed one I think =/), I didnt even wanna go to my first exam but someone made go ^^ Well the point is, I'm glad things are fine now. I think I got over it. I can't wait for Saturday, I'll be in Jakarta 'til the 10th of July. Then it's Melbourne :D New place, new friends (and old ones too) and new beginning! I SO need a fresh start! Woots.

The reason why I'm in a good mood today is mainly 'cause it's the last day of exams. I AM FREE!!! *roar* But I gta pack all my stuff T_T How depressing... I'll finally get my break when I am in Jakarta... LADEEDAAA!~ *sings some emo song*

I'm out

can't you see I'm falling... falling...

2008-05-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

Ok yeah that pretty much sums up what I've been doing lately. Besides my assignments xD Nyeh~ RO, love and schoolwork... what a great combination. I've been really tired lately... I feel like I need to sleep for two whole days =/ I haven't kept in touch with any of my friends (except online) in forever.

Here I am blogging again to avoid my finance assignment. Why? Because it's just too damned easy to do =\ I'm the queen of procrastinating and for something as simple as this, I can't make myself do it so early :S

I've got nothing much to blog about 'cause most of them are too private to mention here. I might blog on livejournal later on =/ Nyeh~ I ate really yummy pancakes this morning. It feels so good to wake up and find breakfast all ready for you (something I rarely find here). I hate going out just to get my breakfast and I can't be bothered to cook for one D:

LOL. Ok I gotta go now...

Dancing in the moonlight

2008-05-10T23:18:00.000-07:00

Hey hey hey... I don't know whether I'm blogging just to avoid doing my assignment but yea... my econs assignment is fucked T.T I better finish it by today! Mehh... I've been distracted lately (more details of that later). Good & bad things happened =\ Not much to comment on it, but I'm sure some of you have a lot to say. Siigh... wont be talking about it anytime soon.

My days consists of assignments, online gaming, talking on the phone (a lot of it) and accompanying someone. That pretty much sums up my week. I'm addicted to vegetarian food at the moment, been eating it since yesterday (lunch & dinner). I'm so broke! Arrrgghhh and I have to pay my internet bill. Crappp... oh the joys of being away from parents~ It's not that nice >.< besides the freedom...

Siigh, I'd better get back to doing my assignment...

Way over-due post

2008-04-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

I lie awake... and I drive myself crazy, drive myself crazy thinking of you...

MmMMm ^__________^

Two cups of gravy... it is sinful.

My doggie bag<3

Side view. Ok I know I know my room is messy x.x

Pfftt... those picture were from valentines. Finally forced myself to go and blog about it. Nothing much to say, I've pretty much said everything on my eljay. Ehehhe.

I've lost the mood to blog :( Lots of things have happened since I blogged. I don't know where to start =/ School's been keeping me busy, I havent been watching movies lately :( But I might go and watch some time this week :D Woot! I can't wait 'til I hand in my IFR assignment (due in two days!!!) and 'til I do my finance online exam x.x ARGH!

Enough about work >.< I can't wait to go back to Jakarta!!! And that's a first for me. I guess I just need a vacation. I haven't been talking to anyone in Brunei lately... Nyse was the last person I talked to (when she came here). So long ago x.x I wonder how's everyone doing... and pinke is down because you guys are having exams :( Pfftt... lot of stuff to update myself on >.<

Siigh...

Drama drama...

2008-03-28T03:39:00.000-07:00

OMG where do I start. pffttt. I know I promised Rach to blog agesss ago but time zoomed by me. I remember I prepared for a "valentine's" post the day after Valetine's but I kinda got lazy. Ahahaha. I'm so packed with work. Pfftt. I cant wait until the next holiday!><

I promise I'll post pics soon. Until then... ciao.

I see the stars

2008-02-01T05:59:00.000-08:00

One thing I hate about posting with pictures is that I have to resize and edit them. I find that really troublesome and it makes me lose my blogging mood. And then photobucket decides to be a bitch :@ Pfftt... it's displaying some freaky advert that I do not want to see T_T

Today's a bad day for me. I'm so depressed and pissed off. I feel like punching someone (so violent! xD) So if you're not a fan of A LOT OF complaining (or it depresses you), skip this entry and come back next time:)

This is me attempting to imitate those annoying "i'm-so-cute-when-i-pout" poses. I wasn't planning on uploading this but, it kinda describes my mood (sad???).

Meh, my student pass has problems and I only have 13 more days here. So it'd better be done before CNY or I'm dead. And then there's the little things that I find irritating about living in Singapore (mostly are people's actions). I really hate rude people. It's so hard to go through a whole day without getting irritated. I think some (not all) people should learn manners. And I heard that they actually teach it here in primary school, WHY ISNT IT WORKING. Having no manners is one of my pet peeves. Eg:

- Speaking LOUDLY and shoving adverts at you (even if you try to walk fast and avoid, they chase after you)
- Stepping on you and not saying sorry (you might think I'm being too sensitive but imagine having people do that at least twice a day! And I'm not exaggerating! My slippers broke T_T and my feet have red lines)
- Putting stuff on your table (at foodcourts), like empty dirty trays etc. while you're actually there and eating. They don't even look at you or say something to you
- Running quickly just to cut in front of you and get to the queue faster, when you're like only a metre away and walking normally -_-"
- Pushing you and loudly saying " 'scuse arh!" so that they can get off (before the fucking MRT even reaches the destination). This is especially annoying when you want to stop at that station too. Be patient, sheeesh. It happens during the peak hours (morning on the way to school and at night)
- Asking for donations. I mean, I don't mind it that much if they don't force you. A perfect example was when I was walking to the MRT station. I passed the bus interchange and this guy came out of nowhere and asked me to donate $10. I honestly DID NOT have cash on me (even if I did, that's too much to ask) and even showed him my empty wallet. And you know what he said??? He said that he'll accompany me to the ATM . WTF??!?!? I was looking at him with a look that said you wanna rob me issit?!?!?. Then I pretended to go to get money and made a dash when he harassed someone else. Second scenario would be the time when I was sitting in front of the supermarket (eating snacks). I saw this guy approach a lady and asked for $10 for donation (WHY MUST IT BE $10 MAN!). And the lady didn't want to give that much, so she said "I'll give u these coins" (abt $1+++ in amount) and the stupid retard said to her "sorry, we only accept $10 and above only, no coins". O.O What. the. hell. Since when is there a rule like that? He sounded like some expensive shop or restaurant. Nobody should set limits for donation. Take as much as you can, even if it's coins. I think it's just plain weird not to take it.

and more...
Everyday I have to go through these things and it's slowly getting to me. Seriously. Of course there are nice people to brighten up your day but just not enough. There should be more. I guess I'm just so used to my old lifestyle that I find it hard to adapt.

On a slightly less whinnier note, PICTURES from what I've been doing these past few days.

Stalking this thing

and killing it! MWahahahhaha!!!!

I walked around suntec city and took pictures with beh

I don't know why I'm so attracted to this fountain :S

PUZZLES<333 before picture

And the progress. We were so tired. Ahaha it was only a 500 piece puzzle.

TADAAA :D:D:D

I feel so much better after blogging my feelings out. Lately, I feel more happy than sad. I mean, I did really get annoyed today. But after spending the day with beh, everything's alright now. I'm trying so hard to make 2008 the best year for us and for me. I hope I'll stay this way throughout the whole year. Maybe blogging everything out isn't so bad... I didn't really like to complain 'cause I'm scared people will hate me for complaining and blablabla... but now I don't care. It's my blog and I can complain if I want to :D

Much love!!! (for those who read)

Just like a pill

2008-01-26T06:26:00.000-08:00

I have a very random thing to discuss today. I was sitting down with beh eating ban mien for lunch today. And I saw(he probably didn't xD) this school girl, carrying a tray of ban mien and settling down to a table next to mine. And she ate while reading a library book. I can practically see little droplets of soup hitting the pages. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW. No wonder library books have weird splotches on the pages. Yellow, green, brown etc. It's a wonder why I never thought of it this way before. Ahahha. I may never borrow a library book. Ever.

Anyway, photobucket is being a pain. How does it take to upload mannn... pfffttt. Ladeedaaa... Oh it's done. Let me introduce my new diary...

The front cover.

The back.

And how it looks inside.

I was so psyched to see these being sold near my house. Me and beh bought two bags of these. MmmMMmm... green tea flavoured mochie and lychee jelly. Ultimate orgasm!

These are the things I bought for school. The pink cow pouch is to put my stuff (phone, wallet & atm cards) in when I go out to get snacks at school. So that way, I wont hafta carry my whole bag. And the black bag is for the books:D I'm really satisfied with the quality of it. And the other thing is for my water bottle. AHAHHA. So many things to carry=/ My dear usually carries that one.

I'm really happy:D I hope by saying this I wont jinx it.

smooch!

Helm of Angel

2008-01-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

This is what has been keeping me from blogging. Ehehhe. I've been playing this, it's a bit kiddyish but nvm, I like it:D Other than that, I have GatheringRO to blame for not updating. I've been playing it ever since I got back. You guys should try it some time.

I've finally watched Heroes and I'm kinda addicted to it. I've been watching it with dear. I'm really happy lately, things are pretty good between me and him. We haven't fought ever since we got back here. He's been accompanying me to look for shoes. Ehehhe I found two pairs and one of them is a bargain. I swear not to buy shoes until July or something. I have too many now xD Dno where to put them. Besides shoes, I bought a bag a few days ago, quite a bargain too:D Wheeee... I feel so weird if I go out and don't buy something, but I have to get rid of that bad habit.

Today, they started selling those chinese new year cakes at Junction 8 and I'm planning on getting them tomorrow. They're really yummy ^________^ I always wait for them around CNY. Anyhoo, I went to Ikea to accompany beh to look for furniture. He wants to decorate his room, in fact, he wants EVERYTHING. Ahahah, I bet he's gonna laugh when he looks at this. Eg. TV, beanbag chair, computer chair, computer table, mirror, laundry thingee, blanket, carpet etc etc xD After that we had lunch there, and it was tres delicious:D I had pouched salmon with potatoes and brocolli covered in holandaise sauce(I assumed). We bought chicken wings from there too. Then after that we basically spent the day watching Heroes together. It was a great day for us. I loved the weather today, it was sunny but not so hot. Perfect:)

Fresh start

2008-01-15T06:38:00.000-08:00

I'm a very paranoid person so I relocated to avoid unwanted eyes on my blog. Mwahahah. Besides, my old blog was pretty dead so yea. New year, new hopes, new blog. Enjoy.